Living Hopefully

but differently.

We are all having to rethink our futures aren't we? Especially how we live going forward.

I have a lot going on in my head at the moment, so much hope and certainly more clarity in what I want for my family and I. Now though, I dare not wish for anything much except the end of this virus and soon.

Every so often, I write a little note in my diary, to remind me of the changes I need to make for myself. I call it the Growth Project. Just to let you know, it's been going on for years. I'm totally a work in progress!

One scribbled note is to protect my talents more fiercely. Two, is to step out of what doesn't concern me. Three, is to stop giving things away! Four, is to write that darn book!

Last night my husband and I chatted 'shit' about life, like we always do. I love the fact that he hasn't gone anywhere yet. He loves France, he's happier here. It's home. Right now he's busy trying to calm a garden on steroids and he's loving it. Manual labour!

Some of the changes I personally want to make, are definitely due to age, I feel. The passing of time. You live, you learn. Once the 50th birthday is done and dusted and the candles blown out, there is an awakening, a realisation that the clock is ticking. So much still to do of course but now the egg timer has turned.

Hubby is no different really.

He's been very thoughtful most evenings about how he see's the future, wanting to kick back a bit, do some of what he likes. Most of all, he doesn't want to be too far from me. I get it. Who am I to tell him he can't?

I want that too.

I think this enforced period of him being home in France, will definitely make it harder for him to go back abroad to work for long periods. For now he's doing it all from home and I can tell it suits him very well. Although keeping up with the differing time zones has been challenging in a tiny cottage with limited internet, we've managed.

I think COVID19 is gong to change us all one way or another, don't you?

It would certainly be nice to have those roots people talk about and we both crave. Stability? Amen to that.

We of course aren't quite financially ready for retired paradise, so we need to make plans to hurry it all up somehow. Of course that means less not more. Learning to live differently. To take care of the pennies. Adjusting the wish list and the budget somewhat.

I'm really happy to start selling houses after this is all over!

Earning a crust, doing my bit.

COVID19 is giving the world population an unusually protracted period at home (let's face it, we wished for more time at home, just not with added complication of the virus) and many are having to cut their cloth accordingly. It's a great lesson for all, but also people are getting used to having time back and it will be difficult to go back to the bump and grind in the same way. I feel that keenly.

We aren't shopping in the same way. I mean the British pastime of shop till you drop was always a bit much really! Thats why I'm in France, to escape the 'keeping up with the Joneses' malarky. It's all nonsense.

We aren't eating out. We aren't 'hopefully' wasting money like we did before? Instead, we are cooking from scratch, gardening, reading, educating and generally using our time well. We don't need a new handbag or haircut because who's gonna care?

No one.

We are making do with what we have right here at home and It's a revelation!

With so much time on our hands, him and I are chatting a lot about how we see our future home? What we want versus what we need. Where we need to be for work? It's quite enlightening. It's been a three year conversation to which we never quite seem to get the answer but we are near, so near.

I showed my husband a house that I liked well enough, it has a lot of work to do to make it a warm, inviting family home, sure and it's absolutely not a chateau, but it does have elements of what we both want. It's certainly liveable. I could see the potential. It's in the right area too. Not a complete wreck in the way our wreck is, but it still needs a lot of money spending on it over time.

I had completely discounted it even though I could see what it could be. Then I looked at it online again earlier this week, with fresh eyes. If I get 70% of what I want and need, is that good enough? Yes, I suppose so. You know, I could absolutely develop each room into something wonderfully eye catching. I'm not saying it's the 'one' by any means, it's way more complicated than that but my eye's are open. I just have so many idea's. Almost too many! His wish list? Well, as long as he gets big barns to play in, he's happy, which is good.

We've had homes all over the world, big and small, so I know what essential elements I need for it all to work long term. I mean it's a relationship right? I just have to open my eyes a little wider and be a bit more flexible don't I?

I haven't really connected with bricks and mortar fully yet. I guess it's because of the constant moving. I find it hard to just 'be'. I truly want to just 'be'.

When someone says 'will this be your forever home?'.........I go quiet. I just don't know what that means, what it feels like? What is forever? How long is that? It's a commitment and that's a scary thought right now.

All I can ever say is 'maybe' and I continue to admire those that can live in a house for 50 odd years and still feel the love.

It sounds nice though 'forever' doesn't it?

D x

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