Not going out.....

Here we are again old friends......welcome to Lockdown, the sequel! The only sequel? Well (insert hopeful sigh) there could well be a box-office hit with this one, if the Human Race gets its act together, lacks selfishness and stays the fuck at home, eh?

In other news I did manage to get Dad on the Eurostar two days ago and it was a farce and a half! Eurostar cancelled his train with under 24 hours to go. So seeing Dads crestfallen face, I booked again. One has to claim a refund by buying another ticket, so I did and then they sent another email saying 'so sorry, we didn't mean to cancel your train'!!!!!! No words. Anyway, he is home with Mum now and isolating happily. Snaps for Mum for lending me Dad and snaps for Dad for being an absolute trooper!

Right now I'm drinking coffee, procrastinating and stuffing Toblerone in my mouth. It's 10am. Who cares, I don't, I've ordered stretchy leggings ready to pile it all on again. I've also seen a lot of posts about 'breakfast wine' recommendations, I get it........we are back in no mans land, no life land and it's almost the most wonderful time of the year!

Yesterday, I got busy cleaning and sorting (just keep swimming, swimming, swimming....) then made the house a few candles. It was the best I could do really! My huge wax melter has gone missing thanks to FEDEX, so I'm on strike! My branded shipping boxes never turned up and my wax order just disappeared off the face of the earth but I did manage to get all my orders off in the post, after four failed visits to La Poste! Every time I went, it was either shut or I was not allowed to post parcels. I did have to keep checking that the building was in fact the post office? Anyway on the final attempt, I just happened to turn up on the right day at the right time and hey presto! I felt blessed! Lucky me!

It seems there was a tiny notice on the door saying 'parcels Tuesday and Friday 3.15pm'.......not quite sure that was enough information or prominent enough really? It was all a bit 'Cluedo' for me.

Life in France is like that. I mean I often feel like I could murder someone, daily!

Oh and the obnoxious La Poste man with his mask under his nose, did so enjoy ripping all my pretty French ribbon off said parcels and handled the marked 'FRAGILE' boxes like they would most certainly bounce! Eeeeee! I'm am also slightly concerned that I only have 7 out of 10 emails confirming these parcels are on their merry way? Did some not make it from the desk to the van?

Who knows? Not me!

I find French life rather confusing most of the time, don't you? I often feel like I'm a mute five year old, unable to communicate with the world around me and even when I try, it all goes horribly wrong!

C'est la Vie!

The last few days have indeed been rather frustrating, as per. We put the Range Rover to bed until we can source the parts (maybe COIVD ate them too) and decided on a long term hire car, until we have at least one French tax return in the bag, only it could never be that easy would it?


The car was for me to run around in (no point now is there, I mean where the hell would I go?) as he would be off to The French Ruin in the big blue van with the dodgy 3rd gear. Simple process hiring a car really! Go to shop and hand over ID and driving license, pay money, get keys, job done!


Firstly, 'Bitch knickers' didn't like the look of the clock, as it was far too close to her knocking off time! So we played back and forth for a while. Eventually she realised we weren't going away so she played ball. We were absolutely getting there, until I handed over my Canadian driving license.

'Non Madame'.

Say what now?

Of course I regaled you of this tale last year, when we swapped our British licenses for Ontario licenses. Ontario is absolutely a law unto itself. Just saying! Anyway the upshot was that we were classed as brand new drivers and charged a fortune in insurance! It really hurt the pocket I can tell you! Having a right hand drive car also didn't help!

We didn't realise then that this saga had only just begun (yes I sang that, gotta love a little bit of Karen Carpenter RIP).

Anyway, fast forward 18 months and we realised sadly, that as almost new drivers, we can't hire! I'm not sure if this rule is across the board or not but it was a definite NO for me. Of course when we changed our licenses, Ontario kindly cancelled our British ones with must know where this is going!

We now also have to apply for French licenses and clearly we aren't willing to loose our years of driving no Sir! Him in Doors wants all his categories back of course! So we are now going to fight with the DVLA to get our British licenses restored or the evidence of them at least!

Wish us luck!

Todays issue, is filling the garden gas tank. When we moved in it was pretty full but now it needs feeding. No problem? Ring up and order the gas, right?


Only the owner of a property can have a gas contract.

WTF?? I don't want a sodding contract anyways! Keep it!

So we decided there must be a way without contract and we are sort of getting there after 25 calls in pigeon French, we hope! Time will tell I guess.

Oh and to add insult to injury, I've made an enemy of the man that delivers the wood here. He turned up unexpectedly, for me anyway. Him in Doors was at The French Dump and I didn't have the required cash on me! So we used a bit of sign language and I sped off to the bank. It all should have taken ten minutes but I got a flat tire!

Nice one life!

I didn't have the wood mans number and him in doors wasn't answering his phone. By the time I got sorted and back the wood man was gone. We texted to apologise and explain but nothing back sadly. So we are in danger of running out of gas and wood very soon!

Perfect! It never gets any better I can tell you! The Queen though she'd had a bad year........! Come live in France your Madge and then whine about it!

We arrived here at the end of January in this totally shit Armageddon styled year, Brexshit (which makes us Brits unwanted aliens) then Covshit which is basically bringing us and the economy to it's knees and of course the Wreckshit which will never be a love story. What next?

Just like Dori in 'Finding Nemo', I will just keep swimming round in circles until I find the way out of the maze!

Remind me to tell you about 'Sausage gate' next time!

Until then....

Big loves

D x

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