It dawned on me this morning, that I am getting worked up about situations I cannot hope to change. Not quickly, anyway! A lot of the hurry up and wait, to get home is out of my control and constantly moaning about it isn't helping. There are real problems in the world. Mine can wait.
I'm in such a rush to get home, chuck some paint on the walls and live 'normally' for a while......I say 'rush' loosely because I'm 51 years in waiting go home. Also, when I say 'normally' like most people that trot aimlessly around the world, I have no idea what that actually means! Still, I do feel the need to have my brood and you all closer. It's a pull but I'm forgetting to breathe and be present in the here and now. Thats not a good thing.
You know there's something wrong, when living in a shed in the garden of The Wreck seems very appealing!
I've possibly set myself targets, I cannot hope to achieve, so I realize I do need to slow the fuck down! Take a chill and relax.
All will become clear in the end.
I think it's okay to give yourself a rain check?
What will be will be.
On a brighter note.
I have to say the hundreds of comments on the FB page under my Mental Health posting blew me away. Not only have I been trying to hide everything from the world and almost cracked under the weight of it, I wasn't helping you lovelies. It's clear to me now that most of you have experienced something similar or just are able to be deeply empathetic. I am so grateful for you all and your honesty.
I really want a 'warts n all' approach, not a corporate one with missions statements to UnFrench. The team and I dip in and out, ensuring we are not sticking to one subject and not avoiding the tough stuff. Maybe not Brexit, politics in general nor religion. We will leave that to other groups and pages.
I think when you edge near to half a century old, you have some baggage. Emotional, physical and mental. Long and difficult roads are tough to navigate but it is so much easier with friends clapping you on. I feel that from you all.
I realize now, that the team and I are building a very strong community of women lifting each other up in France and its utterly fantastic! A real joy to behold.
I am very lucky to be working with some amazing women, that have their own private battles but are there everyday supporting me and shoving me forward. I'm so thankful for you all every day.
So, we may all have our crosses to bare and may suffer set backs, trip a little here and there, sure. We fall, we rise and we learn. We grow.
With Unfrench I think we will grow together?
Accept this as an I.O.U. and a big thank you from the bottom of my broken heart, for your unfailing support. I hope my daughter gets to read the comments you've made, takes some comfort from them, finds some way to come back to us and finds some peace in her world.
I'm not religious but I will pray for that.
You all meanwhile have found a home with us, I promise you, except, if you are a nasty troll, then the girls will show you out unceremoniously!
They said she couldn't but she did. They said she shouldn't....she stuck her middle finger and tongue out at them and carried the fuck on!