Sort of settled

Which is good enough, isn't it?

After years of travelling the globe, I truly no longer feel as unsettled. How fantastic is that? France is definitely home. Yes, I still covet some home comforts and hugs with my family but I no longer think of the UK as home. Despite Covid, the lockdown did give me my husband back full time, so even in these trying times there are hidden gifts to discover.

I also now feel that I can begin to build on UnFrench, in a way that didn't feel possible before. I of course realise that I have another move afoot late February, but it will be a move that gives me more space to play, which is good. The French Wreck was never a lingering love story as you all know, no it was more of a 'put up and shut up' sort of thing really, but I am now looking forward to getting it done, moving in, adding those interior styling touches and then looking for the next project. I mean, we only live once, right?


As you know, I've also started crafting luxury candles in the tiny rental cottage, which has been interesting and a little fraught at times, I can tell you. I have a bowl full of wax left enough to make a couple of candles for a returning customer and then..........? No clue because I have had huge issues with supplies, which has made me cry at times in sheer frustration.

Currently, I have four boxes of wax lost somewhere? I get the texts for delivery then nothing. Thats 100 kgs of wax, just gone walkabout. Of course the couriers are beyond barely coping with increased deliveries and aren't very helpful when things get lost. I could go on but I won't, as I've finally learnt to relax and just take each day at a time during COVID. It is what it is and everyone is doing their best. I will manage somehow and pull it out of the bag, I always do in the end.

There's a lot to running a retail business I didn't know about, but I'm a fast learner and I'm quickly catching up. I have a nice steady trickle of orders which is lovely and I love being in the kitchen lost in the process of making artisan candles.

I also love getting back to lockdown walking again, 5kms in a circle which ultimately makes me a nicer person to be around. I have to make time for it no matter what. I think we are all suffering from stress right now, eating and drinking more, worrying more and feeling a bit useless at times. It's good to get out and walk it off and definitely helps with sleep too!

We've had a little news about Beth, but I'm sorry to tell you it's not good. There was an altercation at the place she is living and even though she started it, her opponent was male and she came off far worse than he did. As as result she has been given an eviction order.

All we can hope for is that the system kicks in and finally ensures she gets the help she deserves. Yesterday, him and I were completely lost in regret and hope. We both cried tears of pain, frustration and loss. It never gets any easier. Yesterday, on hearing that we had been in touch, she asked the staff if we were coming to get her finally? It's devastating for all. I can't bear to think of her sat there waiting for us to rescue her. It's like I've left my little girl somewhere and we cant find our way back to each other, lost in an ever shifting maze, running in opposite directions. I wish we could just bring her here but she needs treatment and a chance at recovery first. We have to stick to this plan no matter what as hard as it is on us all. Of course, every bone in my body shouts at me to just go scoop her up but it wouldn't do any of us any good right now. That much we are all very clear about.

We so want to visit her in early December if we are all out of Lockdown? It would be better if she was settled in appropriate care before we attempt to see her though. It's a very delicate situation. We just have to dig in and be sensible. We cannot selfishly rock her already fragile boat during her transition into care. Timing is everything. It's so tough for all of our family right now. So sad.

Him and I really hold on to the hope that she can at least visit us here in France, later next year and maybe if the stars start to align, we can work towards her living back with us full time? I just know once she is stable, we could help her have a good quality of life.

We've got to cling to hope right now, it's all we've got, isn't it?

D x

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