Summer green house gas....

Updated: Jul 8, 2019

Once up on a time a long time ago and far, far away, I really believed talking about the weather was a uniquely British thing!

Oh no it isn't.

It really isn't.

We are all the world over quite bonkers in that department! I can assure you.

Everywhere I've travelled, the locals go through the same weather chat olympics as we do! It is the stuff of life. Truly!

It's quite comforting really.

Yesterday, at the Supermarket till, we all had a jolly good group whinge about the humidity here in Toronto. The till assistant was in full head dress (Hijab) and positively melting, poor lass. I mean, I can barely bare, to wear my own hair at the moment! Everything is irritating!

The shop air-conditioning was having absolutely zero effect. Why would it, when the door is constantly swinging open. Which got me thinking about my past travels and the corresponding weather. I have to say Toronto's weather is spectacularly unkind!

Whilst France has been basking or should I say 'frying' during the last week, Toronto's temperatures are below par for the time of year, but the killer is the hoofing humidity. A real sting in Toronto's summer tail.

I just stand there dripping. Telfon coated, action man feels nothing.....just saying!

Yesterday, I took my sweet time cleaning the fridge, it was the most relief I've had in weeks.

Winter was 8 long cold hard months! We waited sooooo long, so patiently to feel the sun on our faces and now this!

If I could opt out I would. Weather like this should come with an ice pool and naked buff waiter, bringing me all kinds of alcoholic concoctions, brollies and everything!

It's been a really rubbish week if I'm honest and one where I still set my self ridiculous goals. When will I learn?


On top of being ill, our relationship with the house air conditioning control is at the pre divorce stage! We just can't seem to get it right and I've asked every Canadian for advice!

Up and down we go. Where we stop, nobody knows....!

It's very frustrating.

The war between man, woman and the winter thermostat has nothing on our now every day battle, to find a temperature we can both live with this summer.

One of the issues is the 4 seasons in one day thing and then an encore!

What the actual 'Fugderoony' is this voodoo! Mother nature must have a real issue with Canada!

Then there's a design problem. This house is three floors and as I've said before, it's also very open plan. The Air-conditioning system is integrated but we are used to doors and individual units. So much easier to handle frankly! The main family room is basically a conservatory with its ten billion gigantic windows. Could really turn it into a biosphere.........erm, I mean greenhouse and considering no garden, might work eh! 'Potagerie' in the lounge?

Lounge carrot anyone?


Talking about cool, the cooled air is delivered via floor grates. The biggest rooms has the least grates.....?

Say what!

New builds eh!

The builders have finally started work on the barrier between us and the road. Actually, they've started elsewhere on the development so the fact remains, we will go through July and August with builders at our back door and all that entails.

Noise, dust, mess......the inconvenience of trying to get mad dogs past the workers without disgracing themselves or the street!

There's really no hope of a garden this summer, the only summer we have here. Fizzy has taken to rolling around on any grass she can find. She must think grass is for the wealthy only......don't get me started on the wealthy asians here and their gardening antics!

Oh boy!

Balcony basil will have to do for me this year. Oh and I've taken to going a bit crazy, purchasing indoor plants! It's now Trifid city in the family room. Even the teens room is full of cacti! I fool myself, its all to clean the air of toxins, but we have a monster in the basement actually cleaning the air! When it kicks in to stop us dying of petrol fumes, it makes a really annoying whirrrrrrrrr. A bit like a helicopter rotor whoosh.

Walking the dogs this winter was a bit of a horror story really and now it's generally too hot to walk the wee beasties. Weather can make the smallest, most mundane task a complete ball ache!

Hot, hotter, damp, tropical rains, dry, hotter, that word.


It's toe curling and a half.


I can't actually believe we've raised an incontinent puppy in what, is essentially a big flat!

Of a weekend we've taken to walking them on the old railway trail, now the trans Canada hiking trail. It's a good long straight road, peppered with swampy waters on each side. The dogs adore a good swim in stagnant ponds! God love em.

That word 'swamp'........hummmmmm. Tells you a lot doesn't it? There's a warning somewhere in that word that we kinda missed and so we've been absolutely ravaged by chinook sized, rabid mosquitos! I wouldn't even say they bite or sting really. They actually just bomb you with a fully loaded arsenal of poison!

I watched with absolute horror as blood spurted from my chaps hand, whilst we were walking. We'd got a good stride going, arms all soldier like when the winged beast struck! To be honest, there would have been less blood, if I'd smashed his hand with a baseball bat......not that I would, of course! Well......maybe in the old PMT days, eh!

His hand swelled up, the size of a boxing glove! He felt that b****rd big prick go in and out all the way!

Stop laughing!

Walking wounded, we are!

I've suffered with the most terrible headaches this week. Not sure if viral or just the darn weather! Either way, I have been so very out of sorts. If I've not got the 'scab I've got the scurvy' as my dear Mama always says!

Not a clue!

Our air conditioning woes continue in the car department. Of course they do! The Range Rover was a little lacking in air con gas! Easily solved of course! Take to garage, fill it back up and part with hard earned cash.

Problem solved.

Fed up of baking in a 3 ton tin can, we booked it in for a proper check up! Said to the mechanic, 'do the leak tests' and ensure it's all 'tickety boo' before we get it back. Even more important as they needed it for 3/4 hours. With a walk score of NOWT where we live, we can't give up the car for long without major inconvenience to self.

Him in doors rang me on the way back from the garage, to tell me the inside of the car was like the polar ice cap!

Good news!

Only, the next day the gas had mysteriously escaped and we were back to square one.

Cooked alive in said fancy car!

Wind those windows down poppet! Always nice to eat your own hair isn't it!

So it transpires, the beast needs a new part and of course in Canada this is 10 million dollars as opposed to the US dollars few! Then we just wait! Don't get me started on the postage costs, service or indeed the low level of skill here in any given industry!

Yep, we wait and accept that car trips must be short and be absolutely bloody sweltering! Arghhhhhhhh!

Enough about the weather now eh?

I'm super missing my family terribly at the moment. Daughter no.1 is going through a break up and I need to go smack his silly face. Traitor! Daughter no.2 is off on holiday with her boyfriends family (also a traitor) after turning her brothers spare room sheets 'fake tan orange'!

My only Son needs to get his ass here to give and receive Mummy hugs and soon!

I need to cook for my kids and pinch their cheeks! Look into their eyes, give them advice they don't want, eh?

These are the problems one has when one lives like a permanent nomadic gypsy, camel thing.

Tis life!

Today, finally, I'm in fine fettle, hope you are too?

D x

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