Taking Stock

9 months?

We all know an awful lot can happen in 9 months! I mean a tiny human can be grown and born in that time! Miracles can and do happen! This being the day of the USA general election, let's hope they get that elusive miracle eh! The world certainly needs some solid, none racist, none supremacist, none sexist, none misogynist, leaders right now! Also one that doesn't cling to power by fudging the numbers, eh! Good luck USA!

Anyway, I can be pretty hard on myself and my achievements, so it was important for me to sit down and take stock. Where have I been? Where am I going and how far have I come?

It's 9 months, give or take a couple of days, since I arrived back in France. Yes, that's all! It really does feel like forever. I guess if I'd had a crystal ball, I may not have got on the plane, but it wouldn't have changed the onslaught of COVID 19, now would it? Thankfully, I didn't have a crystal ball and I can't lay claim to having second sight, if I did I would have found the winning lottery numbers by now eh! So, here I am and what a wild 9 months it has been, one way or another.

My point is, I'm feeling a little burnt out suddenly. Don't know if it's the second lock down or just a change in the weather, who knows? What I do know is that I need a little break. I am also terminally disappointed that I can't get over to the UK to see my family. Such is Covid life I guess. Other than the obvious restrictions, people generally disappoint me at the minute and so I know I'm running on empty! Too cranky to be out in public, even if that were something I could do, which thankfully it isn't.

It's important for me to acknowledge that everyone on the entire planet, is doing it tough right now and still employ a modicum of self care. Sadly, I'm not great at resting unless ill and even then I have to be on my knees to give in. Never napped during the day, again unless I have the flu or something like. I once went with a friend to a Spa and she got quite irritated by my inability to be still! Even in the dark, supposedly tranquil floating tank, I felt like I was being weighted down! If someone tells me to sit still, be patient and trust in the world order, I simply can't do that, sorry! I don't trust you or life enough! I'm just too hypersensitive, most bloggers are I think!

I haven't felt well since arriving here in France. Him and I think I had COVID already back in March and now have long COVID. I guess we will never know. My digestion system which is ever so sensitive on a good day has not enjoyed France thus far. I have an on going battle to try and get an even keel and at the moment the only thing I can come up with is 7 days of bone broth to try and calm the storm.

I would definitely say this last 9 months have been tumultuous in the extreme. Not one plan I've made, has actually turned out the way I thought it would. I've lost friends who I thought wrongly would be friends for life and now I feel I can't trust my judgement anymore. Just when I think I've got a handle on who someone is, they do or say something that surprises me and not always in a good way. It all takes its toll. Also my inner mother hen is so exhausted. I want to look out for everyone but I can't.

The sole purpose of coming back to France was to buy the dream house and it soon became clear that our wish list had to change more than once. We had kinda missed the boat. So here we are and how do I feel about France? Uncomfortably numb, really. Like we've been stuck in the tiny temporary cottage (which isn't awful), living a temporary life, forever, barely taking one step forward. Every time we start moving forward hopefully, there's a lockdown which stops play! I think the worry is that this continues right into next year.

Yesterday, I temporarily shut down my fledgling online candle shop because I can't be reliable. Good decision, I feel. I had started getting really bad postal anxiety and I'm still waiting on vital deliveries from months ago. I've made do of course and adapted but it's not ideal. I don't know what the hell is going on with deliveries here to this address, but if I can't be sure I can get my supplies or deliver candles in a timely manner, it's game over! I cannot make candles without wax, it's that simple! I have little left which I will now make a friends wedding candles with. At least that's a nice altruistic task!

Luckily, I only wanted to dip my toe in the water business wise for now and see how the candles were received. I have bigger plans for late spring 2021, but not until we have moved from here and have space to play with. For now, it is what it is.

COVID 19 the virus that just keeps on giving has certainly added a few complications and as much as I try and ignore Brexit which looms large now, I cant help feeling a bit bitter and twisted. I mean, imagine how insulted I would feel having paid 22% social contributions on my meagre income, to be gifted a 6 to a year month residency pass? It's entirely possible but I think it would be the end of the adventure to be honest! France is not the country to play entrepreneur, it's more like serfdom really.

Once upon a time, we lived happily and easily between the UK and France, not really having to make the tough choices we've got to make now! Oh they were halcyon days, were't they? In some ways I'd like a little preview of July 2021, so I can choose to stay or go!

Eeeeeeee, I'm a right moaning mini aren't I?

So many businesses will suffer a double whammy from COVID and then Brexit. I do hope Europe is kind to us, although I doubt it.

Will The French WRECK be ready for occupation by the end of February? Will we manage to see the kids before this year is out? Will we get a vaccine to put this pandemic to bed once and for all? Will Brexit be just a little blip in our lives?

Answers on a postcard in 2022, delivered to me on a secluded island somewhere in non hurricane/volcano/earthquake territory......scrap that, make it Mars and don't forget to bring me a book and cocktail!

Oh it's Mr H's birthday in a few days...........will let him go man shopping to Brico if it remains open? Otherwise he will have to have an IOU instead, eh!

See yah in a few days, maybe......

Keep trucking,

D x

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