What's in a story....? And why are they so fascinating…?
For me its because I am plain up nosy and love hearing other peoples stories, wether they are heart breaking or up lifting!!
I keep getting told to share my story because it will let people into my life or make me more relatable, which with the different businesses I run, would send them into the stratosphere!!! Sooooo, over the last few days I have thought about it long and hard with what to say and I don't think I have one solution!! So let me throw it over to you to decide! Please be gentle.....! ;)
So where do I start? You have already read about the court case concerning my cousin and her friend, now let me talk about me?
I was born in Harrogate and grew up mostly in a little village just outside of the famous Yorkshire town, called Marton cum Grafton. It was an idyllic little village, 8 houses at the top of the hill and 8 houses at the bottom, with a village green and post office. On each day of the week the pop truck, grocery truck, bread truck and that's just to name a few, would conveniently arrive on a particular day of the week....!
There were and still are a beautiful woods and every spring they would be carpeted with blue bells and it smelled so sweet! I still to this day remember how it looks in the evening sunlight and the fragrance was just gorgeous... If only we could catch and bank our memories for everyone to see?
It was really a simple life, well it would be as I was only 6 or 7 years old...! I actually thought we would be there for the rest of our lives, how wrong would I be! When I was around 8 years old we moved to London. 'We' being my Mum, dad and sister.
We first settled in west Norwood which was close to my mums brother Kevin and aunty Chris. There life was still quite Idyllic and each Sunday there would be gatherings in Crystal Palace (we are a super large family) to play rounders or football, lots of parties at their house and the odd treasure hunt. By the time the early 90's came we were living in New Addington and it was not a bad life but I was bullied at school, which was hard. Nevertheless I still came away with good memories and it moulded me into me, I guess. I stick by it was not a bad life really! In 1996 my Uncle Kevin unfortunately loss a very long fight with cancer and passed away, which completely ripped our family in half, it was like he was the glue and someone poured white spirts all over our family and it dissolved it all.
We moved back to Yorkshire and for a long time lost contact with my London family, to my great regret! Life moves on and it goes so quickly though, at the time you think its going so slow but one year after another, it all molds into itself and zip 20 years have gone by!!! Thanks to Facebook I talk to pretty much all of my cousins again and one day we will have a cousins reunion with no Aunties or Uncles there, so that we can get to know each other without the pre judgements of outside forces!
My life over the years hasn't been that bad and there have been loads of great moments, its just I have regrets which I am now trying to turn around! Like, getting more connected to people, I find it incredibly difficult to open up and my way has been putting it to paper or in this case a blog!
I have over the years struggled with my inner demons (which I still have), like most people and my way of dealing with them is to push them down and hide them away, so no-one thinks that there is a problem! I also always have about 40 jobs on the go.... It all boils down to my confidence and the way I feel about myself. Some days my confidence is in my boots, I find myself in a bad place, the weight goes on and I feel terrible because I've put weight on and the emotional eating starts! And its happening again, this time because we are struggling financially and I feel that there is nothing I can do "its out of my control", We've have had a few good weeks, but I am desperately aware that the winter months are coming fast and that we need to do something now.... (I am hoping that I win the lottery, oh wait you need to play it to win it)! ;)
This time however, instead of burying what I am feeling, I am writing about it and it feels liberating, I have also put into place something which I know is going to help me with my confidence and financially....! Most people are skeptical about this and think I am going to be all sell, sell, sell, sell to them but I am not! Not everyone will support me and I am okay with that, because there will be others that are! All I am doing is trying to share a product I know people will love and earn some money over the winter months! This will help me feel better about myself and not as someone who has let her family down, a huge waste of space.
Life isn't all bad, but it is emotional and hopefully there will be that light at the end of the tunnel, I saw weeks ago? All we are doing at the moment is living month to month and so long as my rent is paid everything else will be okay! I am curious though on what this time next year will look like, I do hope a damn sight better than this year has been so far and just maybe I will be full of the joys of my upcoming wedding. I so hope so.
Thank you for reading and bye for now!
T x #UnFrenchTia